The idea of this is basically means that women are in charge and the men take a more submissive role in their relationships. You could also call it a kind of private matriarchy. Obviously this lifestyle is best suited for naturally dominant women and their male counterparts. But that doesn’t mean that it’s only fun for them. “Normal” people might be quite surprised at how much fun and how fulfilling this can be. Having such tendencies myself, I have always gravitated towards the more sensitive and vulnerable type of men and so, to me, this kind of lifestyle came naturally. But even if you don’t think you have any matriarchal tendencies, that doesn’t mean there aren’t any in you. And if you look, you might discover something amazing.
To be clear, female led doesn’t necessarily mean that the man has nothing to say at all and the woman is constantly bossing him around - though it can mean that for some. One of the big myths in this area is that such relationships are about torturing your partner. Even though this can play a part, in reality, 99% of domination takes place in the mind. So how exactly is it lived out? Well this is down to the couple to decide how they wish to distribute the power between them. The only thing that all female supremacy based relationships have in common is that they are hierarchical with the woman in the dominant position and the man is somewhere further down. How much further down varies from couple to couple.
Many, if not all, also incorporate a belief or adherence to female superiority. The female superiority element often serves as a kind of justification - kind of like “women should be in charge because women are superior to men”. For others, and that includes me, the female superiority element is entirely individual, meaning that we don’t think women are generally superior to men, just that we prefer to live this way with our partners. There is an important difference between the two that I address in my article on female supremacy.
So with such a broad definition of such relationships, you’re obviously going to find many different ways that people make it a reality for themselves. On the one end, the relationship might be quite equal in many respects and there might even be areas where the man is in charge provided that this was decided by the woman and could be changed by her if she wants to. At the other extreme, some couples enter a kind of slave-ownership where the man has the status of a pet. Some of them even have a contract that they sign where he gives up on some or all of his individual rights. But these are NOT legally binding contracts in the US or in other democratic countries. They are just play-contracts that help make it seem more real.
You can do what you want to live out your version of a matriarchal relationship but here are some things that keep popping up if you’re looking for ideas. None of these are strictly necessary but they can be fun:
Female supremacy, how I see it, differs from FLR in the sense that female supremacy extends beyond the relationship. So this could include a belief in female superiority in your interaction with friends and acquaintances or even strangers. Here too, some would take it so far as to make it a broad social arrangement that affects everybody (again, see my article on female supremacy for more and why I disapprove of this). But this is no dictionary definition and nor is it necessarily the “right” interpretation of the word.
Those who already live in a female led relationship certainly don’t need to be told what’s good about it by me. So I want to aim this at all the others out there who might not be so sure about it. Note also that this is different from person to person and you might have entirely different reasons than me.
I’m sure Freud would have a load of things to say about me and my kind but I won’t try to go down there. Basically I think it stems from a strong maternal instinct. I was always attracted to vulnerability and seeing it in people (especially men - perhaps because it’s so rare - no idea) just makes my heart melt. Vulnerability can be something beautiful in itself (not in me though). It makes me want to hold and protect him. Also, I like to make the decisions and control the things that go on around me. I just don’t feel comfortable if someone else is doing that. That doesn't mean though that I'm constantly making all the decisions.
But, from what I’ve read and heard, my kind of relationship seems to be more on the mild side. For example, I would never want my boyfriend to limit his potential or hold back professionally. And also, I could never be in a relationship with a man who can’t hold his own in a discussion and perhaps disagree with me once in a while. I’d go nuts if I was with somebody who just nods at everything I say. But for others this seems to be desirable so don’t dismiss it just yet.
Honestly, I’ve seen far more cruel and abusive relationships among so-called “normal” people. You see, in the world of dominant and submissive relationships, consent is something of a sacred law. All of those who get into this, decide consciously and together with their partners on what they like and especially also on what they don’t like. And because of this conscious decision making and communication between both parties as well as the very clear drawing of limits, I wouldn’t be surprised if real cruelty was probably rarest among such relationships compared with other lifestyles. But that’s only a suspicion and nothing more.
This lifestyle is about love, devotion and trust and not about cruelty.
I’m sure many of you who aren’t into this would be surprised at how much you could benefit from a female led relationship. You’ll never know until you try it. Just go slowly and remember to talk about everything with your partner. A great start would be to just play it for an evening and then letting the experience sink in for a while. Playing with the exchange of power and your partner’s vulnerability is a great way to bring you closer and get emotionally intimate.
Gender Roles Reversed
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